To my Son on leaving for University

My Dear Son,

 

So the day has finally come!

 

For more than two years now we have spoken about you leaving for University – deliberated, discussed and argued about it. We have talked about education’s value, where you should go and how you should go. In all those talks I sought to test your resolve, manage your expectations, as well as push you to work hard for what you wanted. Well – you did it! You made up your mind and you achieved what you wanted.   

 

In my heart of hearts I always hoped that this day would be slow in its dawning. However I blinked; years streaked by; and now the day is upon us - and so here we are with our bags packed, our thoughts a flutter and our emotions scattered.

 

And as you stand poised to step over the threshold of our door, I think back on those discussions and hope that they remain with you always. You have endured many lectures and heard many things that were probably distasteful, but true. All those talks had one and only one purpose, and that was to prepare you for your life henceforth. My fervent desire has always been for them and the values that they expounded, to be my true legacy. To serve as a moral compass as and when you face the various quandaries that lie ahead.

 

Your mother and I have been preparing for this day (mentally and emotionally) for months, though the scars left by its passing will take years to heal. It is difficult for us to grasp how the infant boy that we brought into our house just yesterday, could be leaving it as a man today.  

 

Your life is now going to accelerate, just as ours is slipping more into cruise control. Our day has seen the sun pass its zenith, just as you see it rising over your horizon. I do not say this with sorrow or regret, because I believe that it is futile to rail against the natural order of life. It is as it should be! In this great journey called life, the baton is passed by each generation to the next to take forward. But as you stand here today preparing to leave home, I keep wondering whether I have armed you with all the knowledge, tools and skills that you will require, to not only survive, but prosper in your life.

 

And I worry that I have failed in that task - that you have yet a lot left to be learned.

 

I worry that you will leave without being adequately prepared to face what lies ahead. I worry about you being too young and too inexperienced. I stress about the fact that I might have been too soft and made you dependent, until I worry that I may have been too hard and dented your self- confidence. But on further thought, I realize that no amount of preparation, discussion or time will ever be enough in my eyes.

 

Forgive my constant obsession with what you do and how you do it. As you would (rightly) have noticed that has only increased as the day dawns near. You see my son - a father is a father forever, and your age, wisdom and maturity has no relationship to my feelings of responsibility. The hatchling may leave the nest but for a parent, their love and responsibility is perennial.

 

I have persevered to have you face the world with clear eyes and a spring in your step. I absolutely desire that you make a huge success of it, but at the same time hope that you remain grounded with the values ingrained. I want you to experience life in its entirety, and though I absolutely wish that no ill befalls you, I also know that life's journey will entail its (occasional) presence. It is important that you maintain your decency and character at those times. You will learn from that experience, but more importantly will learn a heck of a lot about yourself.

 

Remember that your greatest asset is your mind. Keep it sharp! To keep it sharp however you will need to exercise it. There is only one way to do that - and that is by developing a discipline of probing curiosity and a habit of questioning everything. Begin with your own motives, desires and objectives. Acceptance without debate, without due process will only make the mind dull. Surround yourself with friends whose values are aligned - though their views, passions and opinions may vary vastly with yours. Avoid ignorance, dogma and stupidity. 

 

Even if, it seems to you that, all around you have lost their way, stay true on the road to knowledge and enlightenment. Keep reading – that is the single best way I have known to have intimate conversations with great minds.

 

Even if at times you feel you are the only candle in a darkening world, let your flame persist.

 

 

Take care of your body. It is the only vehicle that truly matters - all others can be bought, discarded and upgraded.

 

Distance and time will insert its insidious presence between us, and we will retract more and more into the shadows of your life. But that does not mean that our support or pride will falter. We ‘will’ use the excuse of our love, to either transgress into areas that you might want to keep private, or influence and change views that you might want to retain. This line between acceptability and non-acceptability will be drawn, erased and redrawn many times. But it is for 'you' to draw this line where it fits best for 'you', try as we may to transgress the same. Remember that to draw this line is your right, but never forget to forgive us our foolishness in trying to cross it.

 

I wanted to leave you with a few thoughts picked up along my own journey:

 

 

Education is what remains when all you have learnt is forgotten.

Enriching your character is more important than enriching yourself.

A positive mindset attracts a positive life.

Pursuit of wealth is good, but pursuit of happiness is better.

Live your life debt free as far as possible and do not live off the obligations of others.

(Some debts just get too heavy to ever repay.)

Do not let too many be your judge, nor stand on judgment yourself.

Start saving early and avoid the trap of consumerism.

Stay true to your values and principles, do not piggy back on others’.

Learn to manage your Ego - if not controlled it will become your worst enemy.

Remember that you will be the sum total of your experiences - not the sum total of your Bank accounts.

 

And know that we love you. Even with the physical distance between us - our love and support is just a footstep behind you.

 

At the end of it all a father can only wish! And hence I wish for you a great life, I wish that you are surrounded by friends who love you, that every dream of yours gets fulfilled and every desire granted. I wish that music continues to play as big a part in your life as it has done so far, and that happiness dogs your footsteps till the end of time.

 

But most of all I wish for you an abundance of health and happiness and for your life to be blessed with a wife and children like mine!

 

 

Dad

 

 

 

P.S. Remember - The future you see is the future you get. (Robert Allen) 

HBR, The Economist and other such Rags

I was clearing up old office files last week when I chanced upon one which I had titled "Interesting Articles". Inside were photocopied articles from the 1990's with the first being from an old issue of HBR. If you do not know what that stands for - do not worry - it is an acronym for Harvard Business Review. A must read publication for any executive worth his salt!

Skimming through the articles (and the handwritten notes in the margins) brought back memories of my early career and the hoops I had to jump through to fit in. I saw articles that harked from the pre-internet era, when my employers used to subscribe to magazines. My desk used to be adorned by HBR, The Economist, and Fortune, with a few company brochures thrown in for good measure. It made me look and feel learned and important. Someone to be taken seriously! (A Finance guy needs to be taken seriously).

As a member of the Indian Institute of Chartered Accountants I used to get "The Chartered Accountant" as well. That particular publication used to be relegated to the dustbin immediately, along with spam mail and other bills. One earned no kudos for being seen with an issue of that journal on one’s desk. Being an Indian publication it held nothing of interest for any of the Western Expatriate Managers.

Anyway, I used to find most of them as desiccated as the Empty Quarter and as interesting as watching paint dry.

In the days before the Internet explosion "brownnosers" were required to photocopy "interesting" articles and circulate them to bosses and colleagues. At the same time one was not expected to be seen reading them at one's desk - thereby creating quite a conundrum for me at least. I would rather die than have these as bedside reading. So I used to pick up magazines at random, glance through them for some arcane article and photocopy it. I would then proceed within 5 minutes to highlight the most technical paragraphs with comments and annotations like - "can we do this?"; "very useful"; or "interesting take on conventional doctrine" and then forward for circulation, with my regards.

If my initials were mentioned in any such circulation by a colleague, I would be required to read it and I would then avenge myself by taking the most obscure and dry article I could find and circulate it with a comment like - AVG (initials of that colleague) what do you think? or AVG should try and implement. Then it would be his turn to read the article, understand its implications and then refute its applicability. I used to get quite a buzz if my boss happened to like an article that I had circulated (unread) and forward it onwards and upwards. It was free credit and made my day (I know - quite sad!!).  

Of course I was not at liberty (at that time) to state my real views on this practice, and like many other such games, I continued to play ball till it died a natural death.

Talking about magazine articles, one time we had a CEO whose abiding passion was IT and Computer Technology. He used to diligently go through every PC magazine available. In those days the Corporate IT Manager used to sit next to me, in an open plan office, and his passion for the subject was obviously much less. The CEO used to make it a habit first thing in the morning, to walk across and discuss the complexities and possible applications of what he had read the previous night. I think that used to be the highlight of his otherwise arduous day!

Clearly he expected the IT Manager to have read the same and be more informed, if not equally enraptured, entranced and excited. I would shamelessly turn my chair around to listen in and once in a while add my two bits to the gobbledygook. It used to be fun seeing the IT Manager squirm and try desperately to deflect questions without appearing a complete ignoramus. When this became too much, I started to give him a heads-up whenever I saw the CEO walking over - he could then scoot away to the pantry or the toilet. This changed once he had a EUREKA moment and learned the trick of sequestering the magazines 'before' they hit the CEO's desk.

Glancing through some of those old articles I realized how dated they read and how incorrect even experts could get (e.g. one article listed twenty companies to invest in over the next 10 years of which three went bankrupt and were liquidated years ago).

I remembered how proudly I used to drop names of Fortune 500 Companies and their CEO’s, how adept I was at remembering Revenues and Compensation - and I just laugh at my immaturity. With what passion I used to discuss and debate their strategies, approach and successes. How confidently I used to be able to predict the future of Corporations and their share prices based on past performance - till the year 2008 when all predictions, the Sages as well as mine, were blown into the wind.    

So now when I see someone reading business magazines I just give a rueful smile to myself. Pre-internet the pace of change was slow - now the world and the environment are changing at an increasing pace. Most of what they are reading will be irrelevant, if not forgotten tomorrow. Add to that the fact that we remember little of what we read, due to the sheer deluge of information, and I feel even more that it justifies the case to read only for pleasure.

But it is not that easy - is it?

 

For Yuppies and career minded people, peer pressure will dictate what and when they read. If you genuinely love to read about the latest developments in "Key Performance Indicators of Supply Chain Retail" or get a buzz out of perusing "Promotional Mix of Insurance Products" go ahead - make your day. If your bread is buttered by reading about the "Art of Irrestible Emails" or in understanding 'The perils of Being a Social Media Holdout", then gorge on. If your livelihood depends on your familiarity with such works of art, then my sympathies (and understanding) are with you. But if not, then it would be quite a shame to persist would it not? It is akin to having a miracle pill that one can take to negate "all" the ill effects of gastronomic overindulgence - and still insisting on eating boiled vegetables and salads!

 

Anyway I will stick to feasting on the erudition of the Stephen King's and the Isaac Asimov's, the Ayn Rand's and the Peter Hamiltons!