Eulogy at a Funeral

It has been quite some time since I posted anything, and to be honest I do not know how many of you actually read this. I do get drips of feedback, as well as occasional comments, that make me think that these posts are on your radar. As all of you know, the last few weeks have been quite traumatic (to put it mildly) for me, and the decision to leave my current employer after almost 14 years has not been an easy one. I had got into this comfort zone, where in life was coasting by comfortably, and whenever I got into a state of despondency, all I had to do was to fool myself into believing that this was the sum total of my life's aspiration. Every time there was a possibility to make a change, I used to think up a hundred reasons why it would not work out.

However, as in all things in life, this stage had to end, even if a tad too late. Without meaning to sound pompous or arrogant, the announcement of my leaving did create a sense of shock in my organisation in Dubai. Before you start raising your eyebrows, and mentally writing me off as delusional, let me assure you that it is not because anyone thought I was indispensable. It is just that everyone, around me had grown to assume that I would never leave.

In the last few days as the news started to ripple out, colleagues, friends and family, started to give me feedback on my decision. I, of course expected (and wanted!) that, and my expectations were that most people would sort of hint at some sort of mental instability on my part to leave an MNC for a local organisation. I had mentally prepared myself for the bemused expressions reserved for those who are imminently tipping over into insanity. I was ready and did initially internally brace myself, whenever I brought up the topic. But to my surprise the reaction was universally positive. The most common feedback was - why not sooner?

What however, took me completely by surprise, was the emotional reactions that I got from quite a few of my fellow workers. I have been floored by the outpouring of affection and genuine sorrow to see me take this step. Numerous people told me about the role I played in their lives - both personal and professional, and their tears have driven me to tears too. I had hugely under-estimated what my friendship meant to so many of my colleagues. And the one thought that has been constant was - why now ? Why not let me know how they felt while I was here ? And then I turned the question inwards, and asked myself the same. Do I let the people who matter to me know the role they play in my life, and how much they mean to me? The answer is - Not Enough !! I have over the years cultivated this exterior of stoicism, which quite frankly sucks, and if nothing else, has probably been most instrumental in my getting similar reactions.

I know that a lot of the macho amongst you will think that one does not need to state the obvious, but I beg to differ. Why do we need to wait until someone is on the verge of stepping out of our lives, till we show them their worth? Where is it written that just going over and appreciating our friends or colleagues is taboo? It reminds me of this corporate excercise that I have done, wherein you are asked to write your own eulogy. Something that you would like your family or friends to use at your own funeral. The idea is to then use it as a blueprint to govern your behaviours and actions over time.

We do not need to wait for funerals to appreciate the people around us.

I cannot end this blog without thanking two very special guys who have helped and supported me on a huge personal journey over the last 4 to 5 years. Their protective influence enabled me to get into spheres that I would never, on my own have entered. Their friendship, guidance and counselling over this period, have made me a better person. They come from a nation that neighbours India, from a different culture, which is probably the reason why, though so akin we are so different. One is a colleague and the other is an ex-colleague, and if they read this blog, will know who I mean. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.