Dreaming Dreams

Does one ever achieve their dreams in the same way that they intended? I mean, when one does achieve their dream, in most cases the dream is watered down or diluted by the passage of time, is it not?

Well yesterday, I achieved a lifelong dream - I drove out in a brand new BMW car. This was something that I have dreamt about ever since I can remember. Over the years, this dream had been put aside, submerged, forgotten, and in the last few years even challenged, by me. For the longest time it was affordability that was a hurdle, not in the absolute sense, (as one can get a second hand BMW quite cheap), but in the true sense of driving out in a new one at the threshold of one’s aspiration. As one progresses in life, dreams tend to remain that one step ahead. Our aspirations tend to get fixated on the next best above our current comfort level.

Over time more than affordability, it was self-perception that became a stumbling block. I truly (even today) cannot imagine 'deserving' it. People see themselves in a particular way, and I have just never seen myself being defined by an automobile. I definitely did not seek this car for the flash or the oomph factor. Then why, I ask myself, did I buy it?

I am not a petrol head, nor am I into motor sport. So why?

I guess it is the Brand. The Brand (for me) has always been synonymous with understated class, and superlative engineering. But that does not really wash, does it? So again - why?

Anyway yesterday was a big day, as I went through the contradictory emotions of exultation on the one hand, and trepidation on the other. And as I sat in the car to drive it out, initially it was awe which was quickly followed by bewilderment, as the Handover specialist took us very quickly through the multitude of options. I felt like a yokel as I alternatively queried and gasped at the various features, most of which I forgot five minutes after I exited the showroom. As I started the engine, it got so bad that I forgot even the basics of shifting gears from Park to drive, and releasing the handbrake.

I drove out of the showroom to park just across the road and to take it all in. I needed that time to bring my brain speed down, and to assimilate the car. I needed to take a deep breath and slowdown my heart rate. I needed to just step out of the car and savor the moment, because I knew that the minute I got in, the car would take over again.

By the time I finished the day, my brain was fatigued by the mix of high excitement and stress related to coming to grips with a new vehicle. And then I thought about my first car many years ago, a second hand Honda Civic. I had bought it because I had been certain that I could not handle a more powerful vehicle. I smiled thinking about how it took me just a few days to start looking for one with a more powerful engine.

I laughed even louder, when I thought of a close friend of mine, who bought a similar car a month or so later. I drove him to pick it up from the seller just a short distance away from his house. On the way back (where his wife was waiting in the Building Parking to induct the car in the typical Indian fashion), he lost his bearings. In his excitement and nervousness he drove away in the exact opposite direction. I still remember his face, as I drew up to him at the next traffic signal, fixed in a rictus of a smile. His stress evident in the way he gripped the steering wheel, and the glazed look of one who had no idea where he was going. I had laughed so hard during that drive that my belly hurt for days after.

It will take a few weeks for my chaotic emotions to settle down and for me to truly enjoy the car. In the meantime I will do what all modern mature men do - play down the excitement, yawn away the exhilaration, and pretend that this is no biggie. In this day and age it is not a done thing to show too much excitement, one has to remain blasé’ and cool. It is all in a day’s work, and tomorrow is just another today. Gone are the days when a scooter became a community achievement, and coconuts were broken in celebration when you got a phone connection. A new music system was celebrated by placing garlands and vermillion paste on it, and for the next fortnight music loud enough for a rock concert blared out. Neighbors walked in and out of the house, to admire the dials and the blinking lights. And I will not even talk about getting a new TV in 1970’s India.   

That brings me back to my question - why this car now?

Because I knew, that if not now it would have been never!