Self Portrait

I do not know whether it is true for you, but I make a terrible subject for photographs. If I want to find a photo of myself that is even slightly flattering, I would have to troll through years of snaps to come across one that suits. Now I do not want to sound like the proverbial bad carpenter who blames his tools! There is only so much that a Leica lens and a good photographer can do, with the material given!

Additionally, pictures also expose my lack of originality in posing for photographs. I seem to have a very limited repertoire of poses - actually only two! Either I am in my standard photo pose at the edge of the group with one hand on my hip and another around the shoulders of whomsoever is standing next to me or I feature in a close up, grinning like a lunatic with my eyes shut. I have a knack for shutting my eyes at exactly the time that the camera lens opens. Many quality family photos have been ruined by my presence. This is probably the reason why I now generally prefer to be behind the camera! I say 'now' because that was not always the case.

Coming as I do from my above position, I get amused when people actually jostle to get in to the frame. A few of us are genuinely photogenic and a picture is enhanced by their presence. But the vast majority I think sort of fall South of the Border, leave alone the extremes who can crack a camera lens with their smile. If you are the type of person who likes to observe human behavior, a photo opportunity is a fantastic time to get a sense of people’s self-perception.

Time and again I have noticed that the chances of a self-effacing person actually coming out decent, are much more than those who track the trajectory of a camera lens like a laser guided missile, and position themselves square in the center of the frame. You can see these same people then immediately going through the digital images and deleting any and all snaps that do not flatter them, one after the other. This one shows too much teeth, this one caught my bad profile, this one makes me look fat, etc. No matter that one of those pictures, so callously discarded, was that rare photo where you yourself have come out half decent.

These are the same folks then, who seem to appear in every photo you have ever taken or are in, leaving others to suspect that you roam in a very limited circle. This suspicion is then compounded by some of my other friends who are extremely camera shy. They are constantly lurking behind the camera, and will never let go of one in their grasp. They remind me of rare species like the lynx or bush babies or whatever, where one would literally have to sift through a lifetime of photos, to catch a glimpse of their shadow or their image peeping in from the edge of the frame.

But why do we smile for photographs?

I mean where was it written that we all need to show our teeth in every photo? We all wait for the cue - Say Cheese - to bare our dentures, no matter that most of us look half deranged with a grin on our face. There is a very fine line between a grimace and a grin, and most of us seem to have no issue with hopping back and forth across this thin red line. I have hundreds of photos where the entire group seems to be captive to mass delirium, with maniacal grins on their faces. Looking back I cannot help wondering as to the reason for such merriment at the time was?

I think the best photos are the natural ones. Images of people caught in repose, or in the midst of some action. Photos of athletes in action are also great, especially when they capture the moment of ultimate effort and strain. I would discount some of them, of course, where the athlete appears to be either chased by a ravenous predator, or on the verge of killing someone or himself dying of apoplexy.

Babies and children really do make the best subjects. So do animals, as they seem to share that same innate sense to not smile every time a camera appears. Children will frown, cry, and show displeasure without any pretense. That is why babies tend to look cute even with tears in their eyes. And which is why even the most famous smile, that of the Mona Lisa, is described at best as enigmatic!

Anyway coming back to smiling for photographs, I have been so brainwashed into grinning for them that the last time I went to a studio I was almost thrown out. I needed some pictures for a new passport. The guy tending the shop was a young Philipino who obviously had delusions of being on the cusp of achieving greatness as a photographer. He explained that under revised requirements, I should not smile for visa and passport photos, or rather I should refrain from showing my teeth. Despite that and by force of habit, every time he said "OK" I broke into a toothy smile. I then commenced to alternate between this involuntary smile, and my before mentioned proclivity to shut my eyes at the most inopportune moments. As this happened a couple of times I could see this guy starting to lose his grip, and his mind starting its litany on the last rites of his sanity.

Close to a nervous breakdown, he tried speaking to me a bit slower, even tried his hand at Hindi and Tagalog (in which I am sure he was swearing). The umbrella, the lights in the small closed off studio and his obvious irritation broke me into a sweat. My nervousness was increasing in line with his annoyance, and since I tend to smile when I am stressed, it made a grim situation rather worse. The photographer was on the verge of forcibly ejecting me, as I kept giving him my insane grin at every shot and apologizing after. It became abundantly clear to him, that my custom was definitely not worth the Twenty Dirhams and the related stress. The only thing that stopped him from throwing his camera at me was his professional vanity and the thought that I was borderline autistic.

The above being said I 'do' think that photos are a wonderful memory cache, and hence when I can I try to take a few. I am not the sort who carries a camera with me all of the time, nor do I think that every moment in my life is a Kodak moment, but I do try and sense the occasion. My friends back home however are almost Neanderthal in their approach to taking photos, believing that a truly great photo, is the one not taken. Considering that most of us are ageing quite rapidly, some more than others, I want to store a few snaps of us with hair on our heads, a bit of colour on our cheeks and laughter lines instead of wrinkles. Standing as we are on a slippery slope, I try to step into the breach to preserve for posterity a few images that will not make us shudder in years to come. And for these valiant and selfless efforts, every time a camera is sighted in my hand, I am rewarded by being labeled "the Japanese".

The photo world according to me is divided in to two types of people - the ones who will never let you into the frame, and others who will never want you out of it!