To my Son on leaving for University

My Dear Son,

 

So the day has finally come!

 

For more than two years now we have spoken about you leaving for University – deliberated, discussed and argued about it. We have talked about education’s value, where you should go and how you should go. In all those talks I sought to test your resolve, manage your expectations, as well as push you to work hard for what you wanted. Well – you did it! You made up your mind and you achieved what you wanted.   

 

In my heart of hearts I always hoped that this day would be slow in its dawning. However I blinked; years streaked by; and now the day is upon us - and so here we are with our bags packed, our thoughts a flutter and our emotions scattered.

 

And as you stand poised to step over the threshold of our door, I think back on those discussions and hope that they remain with you always. You have endured many lectures and heard many things that were probably distasteful, but true. All those talks had one and only one purpose, and that was to prepare you for your life henceforth. My fervent desire has always been for them and the values that they expounded, to be my true legacy. To serve as a moral compass as and when you face the various quandaries that lie ahead.

 

Your mother and I have been preparing for this day (mentally and emotionally) for months, though the scars left by its passing will take years to heal. It is difficult for us to grasp how the infant boy that we brought into our house just yesterday, could be leaving it as a man today.  

 

Your life is now going to accelerate, just as ours is slipping more into cruise control. Our day has seen the sun pass its zenith, just as you see it rising over your horizon. I do not say this with sorrow or regret, because I believe that it is futile to rail against the natural order of life. It is as it should be! In this great journey called life, the baton is passed by each generation to the next to take forward. But as you stand here today preparing to leave home, I keep wondering whether I have armed you with all the knowledge, tools and skills that you will require, to not only survive, but prosper in your life.

 

And I worry that I have failed in that task - that you have yet a lot left to be learned.

 

I worry that you will leave without being adequately prepared to face what lies ahead. I worry about you being too young and too inexperienced. I stress about the fact that I might have been too soft and made you dependent, until I worry that I may have been too hard and dented your self- confidence. But on further thought, I realize that no amount of preparation, discussion or time will ever be enough in my eyes.

 

Forgive my constant obsession with what you do and how you do it. As you would (rightly) have noticed that has only increased as the day dawns near. You see my son - a father is a father forever, and your age, wisdom and maturity has no relationship to my feelings of responsibility. The hatchling may leave the nest but for a parent, their love and responsibility is perennial.

 

I have persevered to have you face the world with clear eyes and a spring in your step. I absolutely desire that you make a huge success of it, but at the same time hope that you remain grounded with the values ingrained. I want you to experience life in its entirety, and though I absolutely wish that no ill befalls you, I also know that life's journey will entail its (occasional) presence. It is important that you maintain your decency and character at those times. You will learn from that experience, but more importantly will learn a heck of a lot about yourself.

 

Remember that your greatest asset is your mind. Keep it sharp! To keep it sharp however you will need to exercise it. There is only one way to do that - and that is by developing a discipline of probing curiosity and a habit of questioning everything. Begin with your own motives, desires and objectives. Acceptance without debate, without due process will only make the mind dull. Surround yourself with friends whose values are aligned - though their views, passions and opinions may vary vastly with yours. Avoid ignorance, dogma and stupidity. 

 

Even if, it seems to you that, all around you have lost their way, stay true on the road to knowledge and enlightenment. Keep reading – that is the single best way I have known to have intimate conversations with great minds.

 

Even if at times you feel you are the only candle in a darkening world, let your flame persist.

 

 

Take care of your body. It is the only vehicle that truly matters - all others can be bought, discarded and upgraded.

 

Distance and time will insert its insidious presence between us, and we will retract more and more into the shadows of your life. But that does not mean that our support or pride will falter. We ‘will’ use the excuse of our love, to either transgress into areas that you might want to keep private, or influence and change views that you might want to retain. This line between acceptability and non-acceptability will be drawn, erased and redrawn many times. But it is for 'you' to draw this line where it fits best for 'you', try as we may to transgress the same. Remember that to draw this line is your right, but never forget to forgive us our foolishness in trying to cross it.

 

I wanted to leave you with a few thoughts picked up along my own journey:

 

 

Education is what remains when all you have learnt is forgotten.

Enriching your character is more important than enriching yourself.

A positive mindset attracts a positive life.

Pursuit of wealth is good, but pursuit of happiness is better.

Live your life debt free as far as possible and do not live off the obligations of others.

(Some debts just get too heavy to ever repay.)

Do not let too many be your judge, nor stand on judgment yourself.

Start saving early and avoid the trap of consumerism.

Stay true to your values and principles, do not piggy back on others’.

Learn to manage your Ego - if not controlled it will become your worst enemy.

Remember that you will be the sum total of your experiences - not the sum total of your Bank accounts.

 

And know that we love you. Even with the physical distance between us - our love and support is just a footstep behind you.

 

At the end of it all a father can only wish! And hence I wish for you a great life, I wish that you are surrounded by friends who love you, that every dream of yours gets fulfilled and every desire granted. I wish that music continues to play as big a part in your life as it has done so far, and that happiness dogs your footsteps till the end of time.

 

But most of all I wish for you an abundance of health and happiness and for your life to be blessed with a wife and children like mine!

 

 

Dad

 

 

 

P.S. Remember - The future you see is the future you get. (Robert Allen)