False Pretences

I guess there are times when all of us feel a bit of a fraud. Times when we give out an impression that does not resonate with how we feel internally, or when we pretend to be something that we are not. When we are asked to opine on things that we have no background on, or unintentionally create a perception that is not the reality. When our words or actions do not resonate, and in fact hide or mask inner insecurities.

Take for example the fact that I am an Indian. I was born there, studied there and lived in India till adulthood. Hence it is not unreasonable for someone to assume that I would be very knowledgeable on all things Indian, especially if they themselves are not Indian. But that can be as far from the truth as anything can ever be. I spent the first twenty three years of my life in India, but most of those cocooned in a very small area of South Bombay. I would write off the first fifteen years as being too young and sheltered to absorb first-hand the realities of living in a diverse sub-continent. My forays into the city, leave alone the country were sporadic and unenthusiastic. My travels within India were even more restricted firstly because of the short adulthood I spent in India, and secondly due to the limitations imposed by my economic means. Whatever be the reason, the end result is, that I feel I know next to nothing about my Motherland, and it grates a lot when I come across foreigners who have traversed, seen and hence know more of my country than I do. Indian cinema could have filled some gaps over the years had I been fond of Bollywood fare, but the houses, towns and cities that have been portrayed in the few recent films that I have seen, do not look like any that I have seen for real.

Then take Motor Biking. I own a motor-bike and as such it is assumed that I would be passionate about them and that I would know all models of bikes, old and new, and would have a passion for Engines, Torque and BHP. Nothing could be further from the truth! I have absolutely no clue what those terms mean. I know next to nothing about motorbikes other than how to start the damn thing (if the battery is not dead, that is) and changing gears as I start moving. Checking tire pressure is a chore, and jump starting one would be an achievement. A petrol head, I most definitely am not, and when fellow bikers start discussing motorbikes, I tend to let discretion be the better part of valor and keep my mouth shut. I nod sagaciously, hum knowledgeably and throw in a bit of jargon to get by in these conversations. But more than a few minutes of these and I have used up all my knowledge and am running on hot air (literally). I have a tough time remembering the model of my own bike - seriously!! Last week a colleague on hearing that I owned a BMW, asked me whether I had seen the K1200S. Having just a cursory idea about the different models, I just responded in the positive, while mentally fervently trying to recall which one he meant, until five minutes later I realized that he was actually referring to the model that I owned.

I have read tons of books in my lifetime, but other than the fact that I love reading, I might as well have been throwing stones at the moon. I remember a micro fraction of what I read, and in fact many are the times I have actually bought a book, that I had already bought before AND READ!! I know that though I know a little about a lot of things, I know a lot about absolutely nothing. I have spent so much of my time reading a lot, about a lot, that I have landed up remembering very little. It does not help knowing that as every minute goes by, our store of knowledge as a percentage of total human knowledge is diminishing at an exponential rate. Over the years my brain has stopped filtering the information that I pour in, and instead decided to wash it all out, the way our body passes out excess fluids.

I have been exercising for years and years now - running, squash and gym. All I have achieved for my efforts are stress injuries and diminishing flexibility. I may look (not feel) reasonably fit, which fuels the false impression, but when it comes to doing anything physical, I am definitely not very speedy, nor am I particularly strong. I have always been this way, and I will never forget the time a long while ago when I had entered a Community Athletics meet. I was new in Dubai, and though people knew me in the circles they did not know much about me. At the starting blocks of the first heat for the Blue Riband 100 meters event I looked impressive. I looked fit and lean, with toned muscles, stretching like a professional athlete on the starting line, jumping and warming up like I had seen sprinters do on TV, etc. The other participants in the race were at least a decade older than me, and maybe a couple of tons heavier. Some of them were balding, and most had bellies that they would have to hold up as they ran. All of them had probably already made up their minds that I would leave them trailing in my dust and breeze into the first place. Well by now you know how the story ends! All such false notions were dispelled as soon as the starting gun was fired. Within the first ten meters I was behind by eight, and by the time the second to last participant finished his race I was streaking through the seventy five meters mark. I think the guy who finished first was already on his second helping of eggs on toast by the time I breasted the tape. What an embarrassment! I felt like continuing to run straight out of the damn stadium, but at the pace at which I was waddling, it was quite likely that all the events for the day would have finished by the time I reached the exit. And the worst part (that dawned on me later) was that I did not even have the presence of mind to fake an injury to give myself an excuse!!

So now I hope you understand what I mean when I say that there are times I feel like a bit of a con. Physically I am no Usain Bolt, and intellectually definitely no Einstein. I cannot and do not take myself too seriously, and get amazed when others do. I get even more bemused when they take themselves seriously, because in some aspects or all, what I have described above is true for most of us.

So let us remember that life is too serious to be taken seriously!!