Lost Between Two Shores

Two occurrences in the recent past got me thinking about decisions that we make and their longer term impact on our lives.

One was saying goodbye to very close friends last year, as they left for other shores. Having gone through this many times before, made it no easier. In fact these farewells have started to weigh heavier each time. I wish that I could truly believe that it is something to do with Dubai, but the truth is that the world has become a smaller place, and opportunities beckon everywhere. People are moving around so much more than they used to, and this trend looks as if it will only increase. We had the option to Emigrate as well, and we let it go, the reasons being that we are very happy where we are and when the time comes to leave Dubai, our homeland would probably be where we would move to. That being said, one never knows what will happen tomorrow and where we will be.

The second instance was our holiday to India last year. For the first time in many many years, we visited not just Bombay but also got to travel a bit in the country. Normally, a holiday to India, for us meant spending our time restricted to a very very small part of South Bombay, with a day trip to an outlying hill station. That part of the country is in no way a representation of what India truly is, and hence our view had been badly skewed by our previous experiences. This time we got to see India a bit more for what it is, and also for what it is not.

For all its much vaunted economic progress and hype, we saw that the advances are only skin deep. For ordinary people life has just got harder and meaner. There is hardly any governance and the lack of accountability is taken as a matter of fact. The size of the "scams" as corruption is called there, have increased exponentially, which means that the ratio of benefits on the ground to money spent would probably be the lowest in the world. The populations of six of the largest States in India have substinence levels lower than sub-saharan countries. In the last twenty years or so the quality of life for most people has probably deteriorated, along with the happiness index. For people who are legitimately doing well, there is a health and social cost of high pressure jobs, tedious and stressful daily commutes and very long working hours. People tend to age faster because of these stresses which cannot be vented, either due to lack of recreational facilities or time. The entire international spin for India has been on its economy, but that would be like stating that India is a land of sportsmen by just looking at cricket.

As a kid I remember wanting to grow up and live my life exactly like my parents. They were born, raised, studied and worked in the same place, surrounded by the same friends and family, and with no intent of moving or relocating. I loved my childhood (I guess everyone does) and thought nothing of wanting the same to continue for the rest of my life. I was hardly the most ambitious child, and even when friends would talk about migration, I would maintain that I wanted to live and work in India. What irony - it has been 21 years, and counting, since I left the shores of India. Over this period a lot of my likes, interests and my personality has changed, though some things have stayed constant.

I am still not a rolling stone, I like to plant roots and live where I am. I like stability and the feeling of being in one place - it gives me the opportunity to create a bit of tradition and history in my own life. I do realise that this view is quite a bit in the minority now, and people like to pick up new experiences as they go along. They like to move from place to place and country to country, bettering themselves and their lives. The growth in their careers keeps pace with the growth in their experiences. In the past, people used to move for higher education and economic opportunities, now it is also to do with children's education, lifestyle choices, career opportunities and many others.

Even on an overnight business trip, I would completely unpack my bag and settle down so as to feel more at home. Some can live out of a bag for months on end, just as others who feel that having lived in one place for a year was too sedentary and feel the compulsion to relocate. I actually get more comfortable and hence happier when I have gotten used to a place. I like to get familiar in a place, as that is the only way I can remember anything about it. Places I have been to on my travels and holidays leave only blurred impressions of experiences and sights and when my mind cannot cope with it it just about shuts out all external stimuli. It is like going to a warehouse sale. The jumble and profusion of stuff makes it impossible for me to pick out anything that I like, since there is just so much to choose from. If I go into a store that has a few items, the probability of me actually picking something up increases. Maybe it is the residual mental safety net of growing up in a closed economy where choices were restricted.

So here I stand today, residing in a place that promises no permanence. The entire population is transitory and people think ahead in terms of a couple of years. It is a lovely place, with beaches, parks, malls that offer good shopping, concerts, theater, a wide variety of restaurants, great roads and infrastructure, but we can never call it home. Third generation expatriates would probably feel the same. The excellent standard of living here makes most people want to stay here as long as they can. It is not about high salaries or huge savings anymore. Those used to be the reasons years ago, but are not a huge draw today. Now it about experiences, hobbies, lifestyles and living it up. I know many young people who come here and want to spend a few years in Dubai before they settle down. They want to work, party, and travel, and there is really no better place than Dubai for a twenty something to do that in. Naturally savings, career and planning for tomorrow are not very high on their agendas.

On the other hand India looms ahead. It is home, with all the warmth and comfort of loved ones. The economy is booming and is forecast to grow for decades. The country is full of colour and traditions, history and beauty. But it also has a huge underbelly of sectarianism and corruption. It is also a place that is less familiar to me as every day passes. I feel like a stranger in my own homeland, a part of its history but not really a part of its current progress and growth. My value system and ethos were forged in the India before its economic resurgence, but I fear that there is really no place for those values today.

Being caught between these two shores reminds me of a Neil Diamond song called "I am I said". He sings about his dilemma between New York and L.A. The song is quite apt about the way I feel for Bombay and Dubai, and to paraphrase the words of his song :-

"I love Dubai but it is not home,

Bombay is home but it is not mine anymore".