Chapter Closed

So ends another chapter in my life, one that I had almost a congenital fear of ever opening, and (to be completely honest) closed with a mild residue of regret. If I look back to a mere year ago, I could not in my wildest dreams have imagined my life being turned and twisted as much as it has over the intervening period. I could not even have contemplated that I would change my job, lose it and then get another -and all of this while every other aspect of my existence followed its pattern of normality. I feel like I had been accidentally plunged into a dark tunnel, confused and slightly apprehensive, and then come out the other side completely exhilarated - a little bit like the gamut of feelings we go through when we sit on a particularly scary ride in an amusement park.

I was unemployed for a hundred and five days, and in this period, I experienced a side of life, met people and did things that in my previous sheltered existence I would never have dreamt of attempting. Desperate times call for desperate measures and I called upon every project management and organizational skill that I had ever learned, developed, or seen done, to the task of securing a job. I spoke and wrote to every one I knew and many more that I did not. No idea or suggestion was not worth exploring, no lead too small to follow. Every morning the appointment pages would be scanned from cover to cover. Looking for employment on a full time basis in not something that I would recommend, but having gone through it have to admit that it was not as unpleasant as it might seem. It was something completely out of my comfort zone and no amount of reading or talking about it could ever make one mentally ready. It is something to be experienced first hand, lived through and come out of.

There were down sides, like not knowing when and whether anything would click, or meeting people who did not hesitate from pointing out the gloomier side of the picture. There were moments, like the one very early on where I was called in for an interview with a recruitment agency, and made to sit in a room full of unemployed people. There were probably fifty people in a room that could accommodate only half as many, and sitting there all dressed up in my suit, made me realize more starkly than anything else before, how precarious my situation was. Stress was writ large on every face, and I wondered if mine expressed it too. As I was waiting there, in walked a young Filipino girl who had been a junior employee with my previous employers, and who had been terminated a while ago. I could not remember her name, in fact doubt if I ever knew it, and as we smiled at each other in recognition of the fact that we were both in the same boat, I thanked the fact that I have never lorded over anyone or been arrogant enough to let my corporate position get to my head. I think that was the lowest point after which things only got better. In fact that was the one and only time that I was shepherded into a densely packed public waiting room. All of my other meetings were more discreet and definitely much more fruitful.

There were many positives as well, like meeting interesting new people, seeing parts of the city that I would otherwise not have ventured into, and of course learning to sell the most important product that you could ever sell, i.e. your skills. As I met more and more people, be it recruiters, or corporations I got better at pitching myself. I started to understand the worth of all the work that I had done, and the experience that I had so taken for granted over the years. I also realized the true value of my professional qualifications, which in the intervening years had lost meaning. The whole experience made me see myself with new eyes. In the three months that I was unemployed, I spent more than thirty hours updating my profile, registered with over twenty five consultants and job sites, personally met up with eleven headhunters, and interviewed with five organizations. I directly applied for more than sixty assignments, with no response from more than forty. I did not accept interview calls for about ten jobs, and was sent an apology by twelve. During this entire period, not once did I believe less in myself than I do today. I did not feel emasculated or subjugated, and as time progressed, I in fact started to feel calmer and more upbeat. Every call that came in meant that there was something in my resume that clicked, and every interview only reaffirmed the worth of my experience and knowledge.

This period has given me a tremendous boost in self confidence, something that no amount of verbal praise, positive annual appraisals and periodic promotions, can ever provide. The years of corporate appraisals, 360 degree feedback sessions, internal interviews and various personality reviews, (most of them positive) did not in any material way grow my self esteem. In fact, depending on the worth of the assessor sometimes the feedback actually had contrary reactions. As we all know praise from some quarters is no praise at all! Also, one of the drawbacks of a prolonged tenure with any one organization is the fact that one does get taken for granted, with a corresponding detrimental impact on the mind set and confidence of the individual.

Coming back to this chapter, and as written earlier, there was a sense of freedom, a feeling that a whole new world lay open ahead of me and I had no baggage to lug along. There was absolute confidence that I was not unemployable and that all of my previous experiences, education, and training were distilled into the person that stood here today, looking for a job. The hard work over the years, and the variety of relationships and experiences, both good and bad, had forged my personality. Having conquered one devil i.e. my own sense of worth, my only other enemy was time. I knew that the right opportunity would take time, and I would have to be ready to sacrifice that time. From the outset, I mentally gave myself a good amount of time to secure something, and after that never indulged in a count down.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Would I have said that had things not worked out as they did? To be honest, I do not know. But I do know that not once during this phase, did I regret any decision that I had made. Not once did I want to reel back time to a better yesterday, or rewind my life to a crucial decision point, so as to take the alternate fork in the road. According to me that then is sufficient evidence of having taken the right course, and having taken it I could not let the first hurdle deter me from persevering onwards.

Now, as I find myself approached for advice on looking for jobs, either because the person’s position is precarious, or they are simply unhappy where they are, for the first time in my life I feel like I am in a position to actually contribute in terms of providing advice. Though this is not an entirely new situation, and over the years I have been approached sporadically by people looking for jobs, who thought that being in a good position in a large organization, meant that I could definitely help, what IS new, is that now I feel like I know a bit more about what I am talking about. I do caution though that each individual’s experience is specific and cannot hence be replicated.

As I stand here today, I realize that I have learnt (the hard way) the following dictums:-
· Live within your means; it makes it easier to tighten up when required,
· Develop a longer term mind-set, instead of one of instant gratification; it gives you mental strength and develops patience,
· Have at least six months worth of expenses in cash available; you never know when you will need it,
· Continually educate, train and re-qualify yourself; it will always come in handy,
· Expand your experiences both personal and professional; it will give you a wider range of opportunities to target,
· And most importantly believe in yourself; you are almost always worth more than you give yourself credit for.

End of Days

This article was written a while ago and put on ice, due the fact that my lovely wife thought it did not portray me in a kindly light. Considering the dry run I have been having with writing anything at all, I thought I would go ahead and post it anyway. If you do not hear from me again, you know why :-).

What is it about people that they want to turn night into day? I have never understood this fascination with staying up late and partying into the wee hours, concept. It is supposedly cool to sleep at 03.00 am and then get up at midday to start the exciting routine again. If you desire to be in bed at a decent hour, it is seen as a sign of old age, and heaven forbid wanting to turn in before midnight on a weekend night. It can easily be construed as ill health or an early sign of the onset of depression.

Ever since I can remember, I have been one to follow the normal diurnal patterns followed by our ancestors since the dawn of time. Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise, was the dictum oft repeated, when I wanted to stay up late on any particular night. Maybe I was too gullible but I have followed that through out my life, much to the chagrin of my friends, my spouse and my colleagues. To this day almost everyone I know will make pointed remarks about my lack of desire to imitate the owls. I have never thought of myself as aged, or lacking in energy, but have been made to feel like a geriatric, whenever I have mentioned the possibility of turning in early on a weekend night. As if my body clock should automatically reset itself every seven days in sync with the end of the week, so that I can party all night long.

To make matters worse, most people around me do not suffer from the same affliction (if you can call it that), making my predicament all the more difficult to understand and empathize with. It makes me sick to see people completely charged up at midnight, looking forward to a few more hours of merriment. I remember growing up as a kid, the competition amongst various groups as to who would stay out latest. On a night like New Years Eve, it reached epic proportions, with some people I know coming back the next day - post breakfast! Of course these people had won a lasting victory over the other nerds who had called it a day by 05.00 am. And God forbid if your parents had a curfew going ...my parents were the sort who never had any curfew, we could stay out as late as we liked and were trusted to do the right thing. Many’s the times I have cursed them for not having imposed any curfew. At least that would have given me a legitimate excuse to curl up in bed at a time of my choosing. I remember I had once tried to tell my friends that I had a time limit to return home - my friends had laughed so hard, that it took all of my efforts to ensure that, that did not become the talking point for the next week.

Late nights have caused quite a bit of stress, sometimes (I have felt) even more so than the angst that exams have given me. Just knowing that a late night is imminent is generally enough to make me feel uneasy. I am sure that if I were to diarize the days on which I have had the most headaches, Thursday would take the sweepstakes easily (Thursday being the weekend in the Middle East). This has been the subject of countless debates and arguments with my wife over the years. She would call me a party pooper or a spoilsport, for ruining a weekend night by not being game to hang out till late. My monophonic argument always was and continues to be - why can't we meet earlier and spend the same number of hours AND be home in time to sleep early. Why don’t they have nightclubs where you go to dance by 07.00 pm and are out the door by 10.30 pm? I guess they could be called eveclubs!

Even the times that we have actually gone out to shake a leg, I remember the sheer claustrophobia of being confined to a huge, dark, smoke filled room, filled with drunk and sweaty gyrating strangers. The beat of the music (if you could call it that) would feel like the grim reaper playing a drum inside my skull, with my cerebrospinal fluid as the only cushion preventing me collapsing from sensory overload. The battering that my brain got from the music would last well into the next morning.

Business travel with colleagues (well friends) was another time of concern, with most of them thinking nothing of greeting the dawn before turning in. Quite often the plan would start with meeting for dinner between 09.00 and 09.30 pm. Normally someone, either from the host country or our travelling group, would delay meeting us due to a sudden telephone call or traffic or whatever. We would mill around at the meeting point, normally the lobby of our hotel, with a splinter group going out for a smoke. By the time the venue was decided, I would be sweating profusely from the tension of knowing that it would be a good 5 hours or so before I saw my bed. The first mention of dinner would be at 11.00 pm, by which time I would be waving the last wisps of my appetite goodbye. A hearty meal would be followed by desserts, prolonging the already interminable meal. Of course I knew that someone would ask about tea or coffee to follow - but knowing that did not prevent me leaping out of my skin when the words actually come out. By this time I would be ready to shoot the person who asked about the post dinner beverages, and feel like strangling the waiter hovering around to take the orders.

Actually it is habituated late nights that I am not too fond of. You know the ones where people want to prolong an evening just because it is too early to disband. Why are we going home, it is only 11.00 pm and it is the weekend? So it is the time rather than the fact that is enjoyable, that dictates the length of the evening. Some evenings, it is never too early to leave!! Don’t you agree?