Recently, a friend told us about his experience as he was flying out of Mumbai International Airport. He was approached by a blue-collar worker, for help in filling out his immigration form. Being unable to read or write, this man was at the mercy of someone who would be kind enough to help. Having accepted to do this, my friend soon realised that a small queue had formed behind the man he was helping. There were many men in a similar situation, all probably headed to the same Country to earn a living. The point my friend was making from this story, was not that he was caring enough to help out a number of people, but the fact that not a one amongst those he helped, had the courtesy to thank him. NOT ONE! They just took their passports and their immigration forms silently, and walked away!
Then a couple of weeks ago during the Eid holidays here in the UAE, our group of friends decided to drive down to Kalba for the day. It was a beautiful drive, what with the weather having improved and the rugged scenery. Anyway on reaching Kalba, and having some time to spare before lunch, we decided to drive further to a particular waterfront. Now the access to this spot is through some rough terrain with quite a few sand patches where your vehicle can get stuck. Of course we were very careful as we threaded our way, making sure that we did not get stuck. A friend, who has an SUV, led the way so as to ensure that there were no mishaps.
Anyway a fair way inside we came across a small car that was badly stuck in a sand patch. Being a sizeable group we stopped to help, and then spent the better part of an hour collectively trying to either tow or push the vehicle out. Even before we had arrived, an Emarati man in a small Toyota had already 'almost' thrashed his own car trying to pull it out, and despite that continued to hover around to assist, after we had left.
There were two couples in the car, and again like the incident above, other than the driver of that vehicle, none of the other passengers had anything to convey in terms of gratitude. Not a smile in recognition of our efforts, no words of encouragement, nor any attempt to assist. In fact, the two women stood apart from this entire brouhaha, and behaved as if it was our obligation to stop and help. I can only hope that they had reserved all of their gratitude for the Emarati man. They have obviously never heard the words:
"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice." - Meister Eckhart
Is it something about Indians and our culture (or rather the lack of it), or is it a trait within a particular strata of society? These are not stray incidents and many are the times that I have also experienced this peculiar lack of 'expressed' gratitude for small gestures of generosity.
We pride ourselves on our long history and culture. Civilization in some form or the other has been around in India for over 10 millennia, but we have probably lost a lot more than our heritage and wealth, if our country cannot instill the values of gratitude, politeness and courtesy into its citizens.
We seem to brush such issues aside and blame poverty for everything. But is that really correct? Our focus is so much on technical education, that our schools have lost the ability to inculcate ethics, values and social etiquette. What is the point of having fifty thousand engineers qualifying every year, if they cannot talk or dress properly? Social skills are non-existent, along with hygiene and presentation. These have to be imbibed at a young age for them to grow deep roots.
“Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone.” -G.B. Stern
