Life has a way of passing you by. A few years ago when my son was leaving for University, we felt the approach of that day like a storm cloud on the horizon. There was a mixture of fear and fascination, dread and excitement, sadness and serendipity!
My rampant emotions at the time and my sorry attempts at sage advice, are posted on my creatively titled blog - "To my son on leaving for University"
However, after that point, in the spate of a year or so, my wife and my daughter, both decided to pursue interests away from home in Dubai. Granted that neither left it permanently and did come back frequently. But for long periods of time the house was empty and my life had been upended without my even realizing it. I had become a typical Gulf summer bachelor - only thing was that it was not summer!
Children
Going to University is a natural transition in life and one grows into anticipating it.
But my daughters move to Boarding school was completely unexpected. It came as swiftly as a Tsunami, and left behind an emotional detritus on a similar scale. It seemed to me, that one day we were talking about life in her school in Dubai and in the next instant, through some magic of teleportation and time travel we were talking about her life in Ooty. When did this happen? How did this happen?
When did this sprite of a girl, with a gap toothed smile and hugs that would melt my heart, grow up and take a decision to move? When did she grow from not being able to make up her mind on which candy to buy at Candelicious to being certain about moving countries to change school? How does one transition this process so easily and quickly? Maybe it is youth which provides one with such resilience and flexibility or maybe it is just innate in the individual.
I am not talking about acceptance when the choice is stripped away from you, which I think is a trait and strength that all humans have. When your decision fork is not a fork at all and is in fact a fait accompli, then it is easier! You make the decision - take the consequences on the chin and move on.
But here I am talking about making choices that have more or less have an equal gain or loss on each side! To take the call under such situations and then move on blithely, requires strength of purpose and character.
Both children have been extremely decisive about the big steps they have taken and then moved ahead with fortitude.
Not all decisions turn out the way we anticipate nor is life always going to be very forgiving with our missteps - but that should not deter one from making decisions - or that is at least what I have always propounded.
And to be honest, have found extremely difficult to follow!
Spouse
But if I blame the ignorance (or exuberance) of youth on my children, what about my wife? She left a safe and steady job (which she loved) to start a new life, just on a belief that her life was worth more than working behind a desk - no matter how comfortable that environment was. And she did it at an age when ones ambitions have been incinerated by the petty, but unending fires, of daily travails and well meaning but negative advice.
She bore the brunt of separation from her family and her home and moved to a City where she had no history. And all of this on a dream and a prayer. That decision for sure left me scratching my head.
Myself
I do not have a lot of clarity in my desires and hence decision making is not my cup of tea! I tend to dither and vacillate between decisions and can go to sleep thinking North and wake up the next morning wanting South. I somehow presumed that everyone is like that to some extent and so get surprised when others exhibit clarity of thought.
The problem has been that I have always compared myself to my children - in terms of values, emotional and mental maturity, desires and life plans. Unfortunately I have always under-estimated them. I have compared them to myself at a similar point in life - and have always cut them short.
In reality there is no comparison!
