What 'is' my life's purpose?

Spoiler alert - I would like to warn you that what follows may sound a bit gloomy though it is not meant to be. I wrote this blog quite a while ago and my wife and I have had differing views on how the reader (that is you) will take it - and more so the conclusions that you will draw. It is only when my son read it and took it the way it was meant, that I have decided to publish it. So here goes: 

The Thought

Let me be brutally honest - I am over the hill both mentally and physically. I know that that is quite a statement to make, and some of you may take offence or even criticise me for saying it - I myself cringed before I put it down - but that does not make it a lie. The truth of the matter is that I am neither going to get smarter, nor healthier, as I go along. I am not saying that I am expecting to die anyday soon, or that all happiness and hope in my life has vanished. It is just that I have reached and passed my zenith, and do not have an issue with coasting on cruise control henceforth.

 

My glory days (if any) are behind me, and I cannot see myself making any great contribution to society in my remaining years. I do not even know whether I want to. There may have been opportunities to contribute to society - through education, charity, and enhancement of other peoples lives. But I always had something else that I wanted to do.

Would I think this way if I was wildly successful? I do not know. How do I even define wildly successful? Lots of money (I guess), important person (could be), powerful (maybe) .. but so what?  

The Past

There were periods of time when I thought I was important, that I was doing something meaningful, but in reality I was just fooling myself. All I was doing was earning a living. Nothing wrong with that, it is just that sometimes I wonder what is right in that?

 

I mean I could have gone back to India, started a school in a village, got into an NGO to uplift the economically backward, but it really was not my life's calling. Actually my life's calling never really called!!

 

Life coaches will tell you that one must do what passionately interests you. But what if you do not have any encashable passions? And if you take umbrage with the term encashable - then I would ask that I love to read but how is that going to put food on the table? I love movies, sleeping, going to the beach - but none of these will pay my bills. I could say that I am passionately addicted to breathing - again, so what?

 

Coming from the background that I did, I first wanted to slake my own thirst. I wanted to be selfish and do the things I could not do growing up - like eat all that I wanted, buy my hearts desires (within affordability), and that left little time or resources for anything else.

 

It took a while for my hunger to abate and in that period I more than made up, through consumption of the worlds resources, for the frugality of my childhood. There were many times when I felt that I was satisfied, till the next titbit came along to entice me.

The Future
 

If I put my mind to it - I might actually think of something that I would not mind doing to earn a living. But more often than not - I envison the end game, not the steps leading there. I see myself in a hammock on a serene beach, a wealthy man - not ever needing to "work" again. But I have no clue as to how I got there, or more conveniently do not see the necessity of applying my mind to 'that' problem.

 

Also there are roots of laziness in those life goals. If one does not have a passion, then one should definitely not work hard - correct? I mean why would I be proud of working my socks off for something that I am not interested in? Imagine someone saying with their chest puffed out "I work long hours cleaning the trash" or "I work seventeen hour days every day, behind a desk adding numbers" - sounds ridiculous (at least to me). How can anyone be 'proud' of working endless hours where they are neither miserable (presumably) nor fulfilled? Ask yourself - if you had unlimited resources at your disposal would you continue to do what you are doing today? If yes - then you are in the absolute minority and you are fine!


I know that Mahatma Gandhi said " Do not do what you love - rather love what you do", but that can be difficult when one is scrabbling for meaning in their lives. The fact that one 'has' to do what they do to survive, is very different from being proud of it. And then how does doing that work define the person? Corporations are very good at giving meaning to meaningless tasks - but that is only as long as you are 'in' that organisation.

The Question

 

So then what is the purpose of a man's life? Actually to bring it closer to home - what is the purpose of my life? Is it the accumulation of money and wealth? Is it to be a lifelong consumer? “Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body - George Carlin.”

 

If I do not or cannot contribute or add to the sum total of human knowledge, or enhance the quality of our lives through commerce, art or humanities, what then is my goal?

The easy option would be to embrace this concept of something bigger waiting for us, or that our true purpose in 'this' life is to cleanse ourselves for what is to follow. But even though I am physically lazy, I must confess that I have never been mentally a couch potato. When something seems too good to be true - it generally 'is' too good to be true. To me, this sounds and feels like a child's jigsaw puzzle - too easy to be taken seriously.

And so I come back to my question again ....