Anger Management

Last Saturday I was on my fortnightly errands run into town, one of which was to pick up a tailored shirt that I had returned for alteration. Actually this was the first bespoke shirt that I have had made-to-measure in the last twenty odd years, and I had been rather excited about it. There is an old world charm in picking up the shirt material and then having it stitched to your precise requirements. Being in a hurry, I made the mistake of not trying it on before picking it up. Later when I did try it on, I found that the fit was tight around the shoulders and the sleeves a bit short. Quite disappointed, we went to return it for alteration, with not much hope of the fit being drastically improved.

The master tailor who had taken my measurements and cut the material was an arrogant prissy man who immediately started to justify his handiwork. With a frown on his face he told me to try it on and then commenced to turn and twirl me in front of the mirrors, telling me that the shirt was perfect. In all probability, had I been alone he would have convinced me that the fit was absolutely fine, even though it looked as if it was stitched during my school days. I could barely move my shoulders! Luckily my wife was not taken in by the Masters pitch and she would have absolutely nothing of it – so the guy grudgingly accepted the shirt back to alter it. Being in quite a tizzy by now, when I asked him for a receipt, he just waved his hand to indicate that there was no need.

So when I went back to collect it after a couple of weeks, I could only hope that they remembered me and would not ask for any documentary evidence. As I had feared they could not locate my shirt. The quizzical look on their faces sank any hopes I had of a quick retrieval.

While waiting there I observed another gentleman who had evidently given five to six shirts for stitching. Unlike me however, he was trying on all of them 'before' he took delivery and he did not seem satisfied with the fit of one particular shirt. He brought that to the Master Tailors attention, but being British and very propah, he was no match for the mercurial Indian - I could see that he was being (in turn) flattered and bullied into accepting it as is.


Suddenly I saw him walk out of the shop to his car that was parked right outside and speak to someone inside. In a few moments he returned with his wife (of Indian descent if you must know) in tow, and I felt a sense of déjà vu when the same scenario was played out with these people.

Anyway having other errands to run I left the shop, after asking them to locate my shirt and keep it ready. As I was leaving the shop I started wondering as to what I would do if they could not find it. Projecting the possible scenario in my mind and my probable reaction to that outcome, I realized something about myself.

I realized that I am very slow to anger!  

Having as a kid mastered the art of bottling my feelings, I can appear quite even tempered and calm. It takes a bit to rile me. Unlike some people I do not have a short fuse, nor do I walk around half-cocked and ready to explode. OK I know what you are thinking - you are thinking that, that is actually a good trait to have and then you are immediately jumping to the conclusion that I am trumpeting a strength as a weakness! So before you venture down that path - let me tell you that it is actually NOT a very good thing.

I feel that many a times I have lost out due to the fact that I have not been able to assert myself belligerently. People with short(er) tempers tend to get their way more times than even tempered people. Aggression can be a strength as it stems from self-confidence, self-esteem and a sense of self-worth (however misplaced).  

I also think that aggressive people are over-achievers, playing many levels above their game. Their self-belief fuels a temper that demands attention and respect. People generally will fall over themselves and scurry around for angry people – not calm ones. Bellicose individuals are also approached with more caution. Passivity, on the other hand, can be mistaken for weakness and be taken for granted.      

So what should I do? I cannot just feign anger or stir myself into a froth. My nature has been forged by my many years into what it is, and change would require a tectonic shift in my outlook. If I was by nature an angry man I could go for anger management sessions. But what does one do if one actually 'desires' to get angry at will?  

These thoughts were flashing through my mind as I was walking back to the tailor. I was mentally trying desperately to work up a head of steam. I was trying to picture myself barging into the establishment - shouting for better service, demanding restitution for the lost shirt - basically creating havoc and sending the staff skittering around in panic.


But the rational part of my brain was skeptically shaking its head! It was telling me that if I wanted to stand my ground - I should not be walking into that establishment without a fiery back-up.