Goodbye 2013 - And Thank You for all that You Taught Me!

I write this from my living room in Mumbai just a few days before the year winds down to its midnight hour. It is early evening and as the afterglow of daylight recedes from my window, I know that this will be my last blog of the year. I strive to give it some meaning, but reflection only draws me into a mental space that I have been trying to put behind me.

 

This year (actually a bit more than a year) will go down as probably one of the rougher one for us, both mentally and emotionally. For numerous reasons, some events planned and some unplanned, our lives took a few tortuous paths to twist in directions that we could not have foreseen.

 

But that is life is it not? It is always something from left field that hits you hardest. Your 'known' fears are never as fearsome when they are actually encountered - it is unknown waters that leave you scrabbling frantically for a buoy, trying desperately to get your bearings again.

 

All of this has of course meant a lot of change, and though there are many management books on how change is great - it is always good when it is driven by you and is happening to someone else. So our lives underwent quite a makeover – along the way forcing us to cross a few (mental) boundaries which in the past we would have at best skirted. What was vastly more difficult was to go through those times with equanimity and good cheer. To not let our day to day life get affected, nor let the disruptions pollute or stain our attitude and well-being, and most importantly affect the peace of mind of our extended families.

 

But this year has also been a good teacher! This year taught me that:-

 

A man is never too old to make mistakes (even the same ones).

I would have thought that my experience and exposure, age and maturity would mean that I would not make basic mistakes. But I learned that that is not true - we can still commit errors in judgment and in the reading of situations that can have dire consequences, if not managed properly.

 

The parable about the frog in hot water is ‘very’ true

We get comfortable and as the environment starts getting gradually more uncomfortable, we just adjust and adapt, instead of bailing out. We let inertia dictate our decisions, and when inertia is mixed with insecurity and fear, it becomes a potent Molotov cocktail for our self-confidence.

 

New fears often replace old ones.

Some of our fears are like old friends - they have been at our side since we can remember. And just like friends they can move or relocate. But then new ones come along to replace them. We all need a bit of insecurity and paranoia to keep us alive, to keep us sharp - but when fear walks in, it brings along its companions - paralysis and catatonia.

 

We have surprising powers of resilience

Despite all the slings and arrows that fate decides to cast in our direction, we somehow prevail. We always underestimate ours and our children's ability to cope and overcome.

 

Hope is definitely a stronger force than fear

Through the darkest hours it is our hope that keeps us going. We look forward to the clouds dispersing and the sun coming out again. We try and get some sense of scale and distance to the issues of the moment, acquire a different perspective - and in that process we thrust out our chins, straighten our shoulders to face what’s coming next. And as each person’s hope becomes the next person’s truth, the virtuous cycle of regeneration and revival is instigated.

 

Our Mental models are not permanent - they change

Just like our views, our likes and our dislikes, our paradigms keep changing. What held true last year does not seem as true in this, and what we felt extremely strongly about in the past seems rather mundane in the present.

 

Patience is a virtue precisely because it is rare

It is easy to ask someone to be patient. In most things I have felt that I am quite patient - I like taking the long term view. In fact, I almost always take the longer term outlook! But patience is a rapidly diminishing resource, when it is drawn upon day after day, hour after hour. And what at some point seemed like an infinite aquifer, in the cold light of day appears to be just a mirage, a shallow pool, a single draught from which would leave but a rapidly evaporating puddle.

 

There 'is' something as too much humility.

It is good to be humble - but only to an extent. Beyond a point you risk coloring yours and everyone else's view of yourself – more often than not to your detriment. We were given an ego for a reason - and that reason, I am sure was not to allow others to walk all over it. It is important in almost every sphere of life to learn to stand up and be counted, to let your voice be heard.

I have yet to fully grasp, that a lack of humility does not automatically mean an excess of arrogance!

 

And lastly:

 

We must learn to drum our own drums, lest they get lost in the din created by others.

I so often come across people who seem to be blowing their own proverbial trumpet. It is a practice that ensures that people’s perceptions of oneself are crafted by the individual to suit his own image, rather than leave it to the vagaries of reality. Whether it is to do with the quality of their cooking, their sporting prowess, or the capriciousness of fate to have left the world’s problems onto their shoulders, such people project an embellished sense of achievement, heroism or martyrdom. Our drums have been muted and muffled for so long that the cadence is lost and the metronome of our life has taken on the consistency of an athlete’s heartbeat at rest. We need to take them out of the attic and start banging on them, to relearn the art of pounding an exciting beat to our lives.

 

So we end the year by putting what is past behind us. We drop the bags that we have been holding and start to walk into the New Year - and as our perspective shifts their size diminishes and we wonder what all the fuss was about!

 

As always it is only important that - All's well that ends well!