Change is inevitable, or is it ?

Change is inevitable - that is a mantra that I have heard since I can remember. Even as a child I was exhorted to embrace change - by parents, teachers, and later by bosses. I wonder now whether I too am guilty of having said the same? Now that I am a middle-aged man, I stand at the optimum point to reflect both on the past and the future. My youth is not so far back that it is shrouded in the mists of time, and my future paths and options are not so distant, that I cannot premeditate without a reasonable degree of accuracy.

I look around me and my life, and I see much that has changed. Over the last 15 to 20 years I have accumulated the trappings of luxury that I had not dreamt of as a child (I did have very modest dreams!!). I have a wonderful wife and two superb children. I am surrounded by the love of my extended families. So, in terms of life's progression, yes, I can concur that change has occurred.

However, when I start to strip away the allure of mouthing the obvious, I realise that what seems irrefutable to start with, shimmers when you look closer. Speaking for myself, what has really changed? I have a family - so did my parents and yours. I have tried to improve my lot over the years - so has every person in history. During this time I have met a lot of new people, travelled to a lot of new places, and ate a lot of different cuisines. Despite that, I still have the same friends, love the same food, still love mindless action movies and read a lot.
We are duped into accepting that things change, because we are focusing on the process of change, rather than the result of that change. Let me give you a few examples of what I mean when I say that our understanding shifts if we alter the prism through which we view it.
- I used to commute in a bus, now I commute in a car - but it still takes the same time.
- I used to work with paper, now I have email - but still work the same hours.
- All the advancement in technology (phones, video conferences, etc.) has not reduced my business travel.
- I have hundreds of "friends" on Facebook, but still hang out with a handful of people.
- As a child our staples were rationed because India did not produce enough - now rice is scarce because India consumes too much.
- I have eaten every type of food and on 5 continents - my favourite food is still what I used to eat, as a child.
- I have thousands of songs on my Ipod, but still listen mostly, to the artists that I grew up listening to.
- I have saved a bit of money - but still feel like I do not have enough.
- As a child I could not eat all that I wanted (monetary constraints) - now as an adult I still cannot eat all that I want (dietary constraints).
- In my teens I used to worry about the environment as a result of a nuclear war, now it is the excessive consumption of fossil fuels.
- I used to be stressed out because of my exams, now it is because of my job.
- I used to shut out unwanted intrusions when travelling, by picking up a book or a magazine - now I have headphones blaring music.

The more things change, the more they remain the same. When we look at the big picture, on a global scale, mankind and society are changing rapidly. Barriers are falling, cultures are melding, distances are shrinking and we truly are becoming one big global village.
However on a micro scale, at the individual level, what has changed? Despite all these big changes, our basic drivers have not changed since Maslow propounded his hierarchy of needs, even if we have managed to climb a few rungs. And it is the minutiae of our daily lives that have the greatest impact us, not the scenarios played out on a global scale. All this technology and advancement was supposed to free us from our labour - has it?

I think it was Mohammed Ali who said "The man who views the world at 50 exactly the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life."

I just might have wasted a significant part of my life. What about you?

The Green-eyed Monster

A nice discussion last night in the house with friends and family revealed (once again) to me that our experiences, though singular, are not unique and that all of us do tend to, at some time or the other, go through similar situations.

This time the topic was the inability of people to see good for others. It is more common than generally confessed, that close friends and even family, get closer at times of duress and more distant at times of plenty. It really does make you think about the old proverb "a friend in need is a friend indeed". In reality it is quite the opposite. One can count on the fingers of ones hand, the people who will be really happy during our times of joy. Quite often the people who surround us take no small amount of glee at our misfortunes, and get miffed at our successes. A little bit of this is trait is acceptable as normal competitiveness, but beyond a threshold, takes away from our experience.

This topic has come up with colleagues, most of whom hail from different countries, cultures and hence, presumably, different environments. Yet, all have experienced this at some time or the other. It seems to be a universal human trait.

This syndrome is garbed in different forms and has various names like envy, competition, evil eye, etc. However the results are the same. It manifests itself, sometimes in small ways like ignoring your good news (could be a big purchase, a promotion, or a new job), and sometimes, is exhibited in more cruel ways, where the people who you most want to share in your happiness, disparage or mock your joy or brush it aside.

A friend visiting from Bombay gave us a typical example. He had recently changed his car, and for the very first time in his life, had bought a new car, for which he had paid substantial money. To his dismay, friends instead of being happy for him, started to point out flaws and list defects. Some questioned the rationale of his decision vis a vis the make. Others would be more obtuse, and instead of denigrating his choice, would lavish praise on other car makes. All the while in his presence !! Their warped logic being, that praise for another (more sub-standard) make, would demean his purchase.

The result of this, is that people start to gloss over their achievements or stop talking about their life's victories. They would rather take the quieter road than suffer the slings and arrows from people close to them. They prefer to keep a low profile about good tidings and avoid the envy. Each will have a different approach, ranging from being completely closed and secretive, to conducting elaborate and arcane rituals to avoid the evil eye. In the above case, my friend criticises his own new (and beloved) car, before others get down to doing it, so as to take away the sting of their jealousy.

My theory is that people who cannot partake in the happiness of others, either suffer from massive insecurities, or are intrinsically unhappy in a major sphere of their life. They have to be pitied, not vilified. For such people life is a zero sum game. A bigger slice of the proverbial pie for another, means a smaller slice for them. Of course, reality is just the opposite. A friend earning more than me, does not make me poor. A friend buying a car of his dreams, does not make my car a jalopy. I can only imagine the hell that would be such people's lives, where their self-esteem is derived from other peoples achievements (or rather the lack of them).

My view is, that friends, who genuinely share your happiness will definitely be there to halve your sorrows, but the reverse is not guaranteed. If you believe that you are surrounded by people who share your joy, then count yourself lucky, and do everything in your power to make sure that they stay close.

But before we go around assessing our friends and the people around us, we need to turn the laser inwards. We need to ask ourselves as to what type we are. Do we celebrate our friends happiness and make sure that we show it ? Feeling happy but not showing appreciation, is not good enough! If we do not know the answer, or want to remove all vestiges of doubt, then we need to probe our friends a bit, on their perception of us and our behaviour. If nothing else it would make for a good topic of conversation at a dinner table.

So ask yourself, are you a zero sum gamer ?

The Natural Sportsman

It has struck me often, that in our Indian community, there is an unspoken respect for the untrained talent. This is particularly true when it comes to sports or any physical activity. Your worth is measured, not by what you achieve alone, but by what you achieve without having persevered at it. It would be quite funny, if it was not only very predictable and sad ! These thoughts came to me again, because two days ago we had a community Bowling competition.

Now these sort of events get very competitive, without of course the participants having "practised" for them at all. It is almost as if practicing before such an event would disqualify you. The teams are not entered, but are drawn up, from the participants, to ensure that no team would benefit from having an abundunce of good players. Each of these teams now become a microcosm of hypercompetitive behaviour both within and without. Since most of the team players do not know the credentials of the others, the practice rounds are devoted to sussing out your team-mates. If you have a couple of good rounds, then your welcome into the team is just that much warmer. God forbid if you are not good enough and let the team down. Quite a few of our friends (us included) have had trepidations of enrolling ourselves for these "team" events, to escape the pressure of performing.

Of course every player there, denies ever having played the game before, and their high scores are evidence of absolute talent. We had 7 or 8 such "talented" players there who would have done a professional league proud!! The unspoken sentence is - if I can play like this, without practice, what would I be if I wanted to, and did, start practicing regularly. The icing was when a team mate brushed aside my appreciation of a visiting players game, by stating that that person played very regularly, as he had nothing better to do !!!!!

There has to be a reason for this behaviour, and according to me it is rooted in a deep fear of failure, or of being ridiculed if you tried hard and did not succeed. This is a middle class mindset and needs to be weeded out wherever seen. It is often manifest in our choice of heroes. Most people have posters of McEnroe, Rooney and Ronaldo (who have an abundance of talent) rather than the more plebian sportsmen or women who have reached the pinnacle of their sport through grit and determination. As a kid I had a huge admiration for Ivan Lendl, who was known for his work ethic.

The Indian cricket team had a well known aversion to field work and physical fitness, which was not deemed to be important enough in the greater scheme of things. It was how you wielded a bat that mattered, and not how you performed on the field for the team. That is not an attitude that breeds team-spirit, which again was the reason why a collection of the best cricketers in the world in their own right, did not make the best team.

We have to realise, and instill in the younger generation that talent only takes you to a certain level. Hard work and discipline are what differentiate the best from the rest. There is no such thing as a free lunch !! In whatever field you aspire to excel, do not get embarassed to bend your back. As kids we all aspired for better grades without having perceptively studied for them. Our disdain for hard work has its roots in the misconceptions of our childhood. Do not let our kids continue the same.

I have seen the difference in the outcome, when I worked hard without shame, and stripped away all excuses for failure. So will you.

Corporate Life - Telecons

In a previous blog I had promised that I would write about telecons.

Telecons, for the uninitiated, are when two or more people have a telephonic conversation. This form now replaces face to face meetings and presentations, as the medium of choice to share information, views and actions in my organisation. As part of a global corporation, we all now have, or are a part of, extended teams that spread across vast geographies and time zones. It is quite expensive to connect face to face, and telecons serve the purpose of meeting up. Attending telecons is one of the privileges of working for a MNC. Employees of regional and local organisations (I presume) would have to suffer less from this malaise.

Hardly a day goes by that I do not have to attend a telecon. I have seen the diaries of some of my colleagues whose only work, it seems, is to attend one telecon after another. Their days and weeks are packed with back-to-back telecons, so much so, that you wonder how they ever get any work done. The answer is, that in this networked world, telecons are the work that you do, and some parts of the organisation have to endure more telecons than others.


To take this medium to another level, there is what is called a netmeeting. That is a combination of a telecon and a presentation, incorporating the worst of both worlds. Not being a technophile, the explaination of a netmeeting is beyond me, but suffice to say that you click on an icon on your desktop and your PC is then connected to another PC and you start seeing what is on their screen. The technology is really cool, though the application is as dreary as a rainy day morning. Now, not only do you have to hear someone drone on about their favorite project, you also get to see it in multicolour.
Having attended a few telecons over the last couple of years, I have observed a certain rhythm to the same :-

• Telecons always take the time allocated to them. It is not done to have a one hour telecon finish in 15 minutes.
• The value derived from a telecon is in inverse proportion to the number of people attending.
• It has become quite the fashion now to share bits of information which have absoluely no relevance to almost all others.
• It is a sign of seniority to have recurring (weekly or monthly) telecons. If you are not the organiser of at least one recurring telecon, you are obviously of no standing in the organisation.
  

I personally have had a mixed experience of telecons, ranging from some very effective and enjoyable ones, to others which have been unmitigated disasters. The more memorable ones have been where, other attendees are less tech-savvy than me. The most common occurence is when attendees forget or cannot mute their call, and the sounds of children at play, domestic arguments and even toilets flushing overpower the speaker. I remember being on a telecon in which a colleague dialled in from Mumbai. He was on a local commuter train at the time, and I remember getting almost nostalgic, hearing the rich and varied sounds of the vendors on that train. Of course the chairperson was not amused and eventually asked that colleague to hang up.

Another rib-tickler, during a long and insufferable monologue, is when a participant is suddenly asked his opinion on an issue. Most of the participants have long since mentally phased out and are either busy with other work, or daydreaming. The rest can actually sense the guy on the spot trying to get his wits back as he scrabbles to replay the question in his head, and give a plausible response. I award mental points based on the quality of reply. Of course the easy way out, is to ask for the question to be repeated, the excuse being interference on the line.

As you can see, there is joy to be gleaned from the most tedious of tasks, and boys being boys, will always come up with some way to make the most of any situation. It is not as bad as I make out, there are positives like getting to talk to all these people all over the world, getting to know their business ... oh who am I fooling !!!